Grief is one of life’s most profound experiences, touching everyone at some point, yet no two journeys through it are the same. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a friend, or even a much-loved pet, grief changes how we see ourselves and the world.
While some days may feel like a heavy fog, others might bring small moments of light and connection. Understanding the grieving process can help you recognise what you’re feeling, give you permission to navigate it at your own pace, and reassure you that you are not alone.
What Is Grief?
Grief is a natural, human response to loss. It’s not simply sadness—it can encompass a wide range of emotional, physical, and behavioural changes.
People may feel exhausted, lose interest in activities, find themselves irritable or restless, or even experience physical aches.
These reactions are the body and mind’s way of processing change and adjusting to a world without the person or situation we’ve lost.
It’s important to remember that grief isn’t something to “get over” but rather something we learn to live alongside. With time, support, and self-kindness, grief can shift from overwhelming pain to a gentler presence in the background of daily life.
The Stages and Models of Grief
While there is no single “right” way to grieve, different psychological models can help explain some of the emotions and behaviours people experience.
1. The Five Stages of Grief (Kübler-Ross Model)
First introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, this model outlines:
- Denial – A sense of disbelief or shock that the loss has occurred.
- Anger – Frustration or resentment about the situation or circumstances.
- Bargaining – Dwelling on “what if” scenarios or wishing for a different outcome.
- Depression – Deep sadness and withdrawal from usual activities.
- Acceptance – A gradual acknowledgement of reality, with the ability to move forward while still remembering the person.
Important: This model is not a strict sequence. People may skip stages, revisit them, or experience them in a different order.
2. The Seven-Stage Model
An extension of Kübler-Ross’s work, this model adds more nuance by including:
- Shock and Disbelief – The initial emotional numbness following loss.
- Denial – Difficulty accepting the reality of the situation.
- Anger – Frustration or helplessness.
- Bargaining – Thoughts of “if only” or “what if.”
- Depression – Profound sadness and emptiness.
- Testing – Seeking practical ways to cope with the loss.
- Acceptance – Finding peace and a new sense of normal.
3. The Parkes–Bowlby Model (Four Phases of Grief)
Developed through studies on attachment and loss, this model focuses on emotional shifts over time:
- Shock/Numbness – Emotional paralysis immediately after the loss.
- Yearning/Searching – A strong desire to be reunited with the lost person.
- Disorganisation/Despair – A sense of confusion and disconnection from life.
- Reorganisation/Recovery – Gradual adjustment to life without the person, while keeping their memory alive.
Key Takeaway:
These models are frameworks, not rules. Grief is highly personal—people may not experience all stages or may cycle through them repeatedly, even years later.
Grief Is Deeply Personal
No two grief experiences are identical. Two people can lose the same loved one but have completely different reactions. Personality, cultural background, previous losses, and the nature of the relationship all influence how grief is felt and expressed.
Some may cry openly, others may feel numb, while some find themselves busier than ever to avoid confronting the pain. None of these reactions are “wrong.” Grief is not a test of strength—it is a human process.
Grief in the UK: The Numbers Behind the Experience
Statistics show how deeply grief affects people across the country. It’s estimated that every year, around 26,900 parents die in the UK, leaving behind dependent children and young people.
Additionally, one survey found that 78% of 11–16-year-olds had experienced the death of a close relative or friend, highlighting how common bereavement is for young people.
When it comes to support, nearly 48% of people seeking help for grief reported highly intense symptoms on their first contact with a bereavement service. However, after receiving support, only 17% remained in the highest symptom category, showing the crucial difference effective bereavement support can make.
Despite the prevalence of loss, many feel uncomfortable discussing it. Starting conversations about grief can help to break down this discomfort and provide a lifeline to those who feel isolated by their experience.
Common Emotions in Grief
Grief can bring a mix of emotions, sometimes several in one day:
- Sadness – a deep ache for the person lost.
- Anger – at the unfairness of the loss or the circumstances surrounding it.
- Guilt – wondering if you could have done more.
- Relief – especially if the person suffered, which can cause confusion.
- Numbness – feeling disconnected from the world.
All of these are normal. Some people may feel one emotion strongly; others may cycle through many. None are permanent.
Healthy Ways to Navigate Grief
While grief can’t be “fixed,” there are ways to move through it with care:
1. Allow yourself to feel – Suppressing emotions can delay healing.
2. Seek support – From friends, family, support groups, or bereavement charities like Cruse.
3. Honour the person’s memory – Lighting a candle, creating a photo album, or making a donation in their name can offer comfort.
4. Look after your body – Regular sleep, balanced meals, and gentle movement can help maintain resilience.
5. Be patient – Grief has no set timetable; healing is gradual.
When to Seek Professional Help
Sometimes grief can become overwhelming or complicated, especially if it triggers anxiety, depression, or persistent inability to function day-to-day. Signs you may need extra support include:
- Feeling stuck in intense grief for many months
- Avoiding all reminders of the loss
- Persistent thoughts of hopelessness
In these cases, talking to a counsellor, therapist, or GP can be a vital step.
Supporting Others Who Are Grieving
If someone you know is grieving, the most important thing you can offer is your presence. Avoid clichés like “time heals all wounds” and instead listen without judgement. Simple acts—bringing a meal, offering a lift, remembering anniversaries—can make a big difference.
Final Thoughts
Grief is not something to be “solved” but something to be lived with and understood. By learning about the process, recognising its varied forms, and knowing when to reach for support, you can find a way to carry your grief with love and resilience.
Read more from our guide on funeral services in the UK.
We’re Here for You
At Gooding Funeral Services, we understand that grief doesn’t end when the funeral is over. Our role is to walk beside you, offering care, guidance, and a listening ear whenever you need it. If you or someone you know is navigating a loss, reach out to us—together, we can take one gentle step forward at a time.
