Families ask about children and funerals in two very different situations, and this guide covers both. If your child has died, the most important facts are that you are not expected to rush, that burial or cremation fees for a child under 18 are covered by government schemes across the UK, and that specialist charities can support you. If a child in your family is facing the funeral of someone they love, the research-based advice from bereavement charities is to give them honest information, offer them a choice about attending, and make sure a trusted adult stays with them.
You do not have to work this out alone. Experienced funeral directors in UK can explain your options, handle paperwork and fee claims, and shape the day around your family, and official guidance is available from GOV.UK.
Part One: When a Baby or Child Dies
The first hours and days
The death of a baby or child is one of the hardest experiences a family can face, and nothing about it follows an ordinary schedule. When a child dies unexpectedly, the death is normally reported to a coroner, and a specialist team of professionals usually becomes involved to support the family and to understand what happened. This can include a post-mortem, which parents may find distressing, so ask the professionals to explain each step and why it is needed.
If your child died at home, in hospital or in a hospice, you can ask for time with them, and many parents find that creating memories, such as hand and foot prints, a lock of hair or photographs, becomes precious later. Hospitals and children’s hospices have bereavement teams who can help, and nobody should hurry you. You can read the official steps on what to do after a death and how to register a death. A stillbirth after 24 weeks of pregnancy must also be registered, within 42 days in England and Wales.
Choosing a funeral director
You do not have to arrange anything immediately, and you can choose a funeral director in your own time. Look for someone who is gentle, takes time to listen and is happy to explain costs openly. Many funeral directors have experience of children’s funerals and can describe the choices without pressure, including burial or cremation, the venue, the order of the day and how siblings can be included.
Who Pays for a Child’s Funeral?
In England, the Children’s Funeral Fund pays burial or cremation fees for a child under 18 and for a baby stillborn after 24 weeks of pregnancy, and gives up to £300 towards a coffin, shroud or casket. It is not means tested, and the funeral director or the cemetery usually claims it directly. Full details are on the GOV.UK child funeral costs page. Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland each have their own arrangements.
| Nation | Help with a child’s funeral | What to check |
|---|---|---|
| England | Children’s Funeral Fund pays burial or cremation fees and up to £300 towards a coffin, shroud or casket. Not means tested. | The funeral must take place in England. Your funeral director usually claims it for you. |
| Scotland | Councils do not charge burial or cremation fees for under 18s. Funeral Support Payment is also available. | Ask the council and Social Security Scotland about other costs. |
| Wales | Wales has its own scheme for children’s funerals. | Amounts have changed over time, so confirm the current figure with the Welsh Government or your funeral director. |
| Northern Ireland | A separate child funeral scheme applies. | Confirm the current amount and how to claim. |
These schemes pay fees and a contribution toward the coffin, but they do not cover every cost, such as the funeral director’s professional fees, flowers or a memorial. Families on certain benefits may be able to claim a Funeral Expenses Payment for those, and the GOV.UK funeral payments page explains eligibility. The Child Funeral Charity can also help with elements that are not covered by government funding, such as flowers, orders of service and memorials.
Planning a Funeral for a Child
There is no correct way to say goodbye to a child. Many families choose a ceremony that reflects the child’s personality, rather than a formal or sombre occasion, and this is entirely appropriate.
- Bright colours, favourite characters or a football shirt can replace dark clothing if that feels right for your family.
- Music chosen by the child or by their brothers and sisters can make the service feel personal rather than formal.
- Siblings and cousins can draw pictures, write messages or place small items with their brother or sister.
- A smaller private gathering, or a later memorial, may feel kinder than a large public event for some families.
Employed parents can take up to two weeks of parental bereavement leave after the death of a child under 18 or a stillbirth after 24 weeks, and may be eligible for statutory pay. The GOV.UK parental bereavement pay and leave page sets out who qualifies and how to claim, and it is worth speaking to your employer early.
Part Two: When a Child Faces a Funeral
Should children go to funerals?
Child bereavement charities generally encourage adults to give children a choice. Children who are included often cope better in the long term than those who are shut out, because attending helps them understand that the death is real and gives them a way to say goodbye. However, a child should never be pressured, and the decision should rest on honest information about what will happen, not on a guess about what they can cope with.
How to prepare a child
- Explain simply and truthfully who has died, what the funeral is, and where it will be held, so nothing comes as a surprise.
- Describe what they will see and hear, including a coffin, people crying, flowers, music and possibly a cremation or burial.
- Use clear words such as died and dead, because phrases like gone to sleep or lost can confuse and frighten young children.
- Choose one trusted adult, who is not a main mourner, to stay beside the child and take them out if they need a break.
- Let the child know they can change their mind or leave at any point, without being judged or made to feel guilty.
After the funeral, make time to talk. Children often have questions days or weeks later, and they may express grief through play, drawings, anger or changes in sleep and behaviour. This is normal, and if it continues or worries you, bereavement charities can advise.
Helping children take part
Children who want to be involved can be given small, manageable roles. They might choose a piece of music, draw a picture to place on the coffin, bring a flower or a toy, light a candle or read a short message. These gestures give them a sense of control and a lasting memory, but they should always be offered as options, not expectations.
Understanding Different Ages
Children understand death differently as they grow, and knowing roughly where your child is can help you choose your words.
- Very young children may not grasp that death is permanent, so they often ask the same question repeatedly and need gentle, consistent answers.
- Primary school children usually understand that death is final, but they may worry that something they said or did caused it.
- Teenagers understand death fully, yet may hide their feelings, prefer talking to friends, or need space before they open up.
Whatever their age, children take their cues from the adults around them. Showing your own sadness calmly, and saying that crying is normal, gives them permission to grieve in their own way.
Supporting Brothers and Sisters, and Telling School
When a child dies, their siblings are grieving too, and they can easily be overlooked in the midst of the adults’ pain. Include them in decisions where you can, answer their questions honestly, and keep as many familiar routines as possible. It is also helpful to tell their school so that teachers understand any changes in behaviour, concentration or mood, and can offer quiet support or a safe place to go when things feel too much.
Faith and Cultural Considerations
Different faiths and communities have their own customs for children’s funerals, including who attends, what is worn and how soon the funeral takes place. Hindu, Sikh, Muslim and other families may follow traditions that a funeral director should understand before making any arrangements. Gooding’s Asian funeral directors explains how culturally aware support works, and it is always worth speaking to your faith leader early.
Where to Find Support
You do not have to carry this alone, and several UK charities specialise in supporting bereaved families and children.
- Winston’s Wish supports bereaved children, young people up to 25 and their families, and its helpline is 08088 020 021.
- Child Bereavement UK supports families when a baby or child dies, or when a child is bereaved, and its helpline is 0800 02 888 40.
- Hope Again is Cruse Bereavement Support’s service for young people, and its helpline is 0808 808 1677.
- Your GP, health visitor, school or hospital bereavement team can also refer you to local counselling and family support.
Gentle Support When You Need It Most
Whether you are saying goodbye to a child or helping a child say goodbye to someone they love, you deserve patient, honest and compassionate guidance. Gooding Funeral Services is a team of experienced funeral directors in UK who will listen first, explain your options clearly and take care of the practical details, so that your family can focus on one another. Contact us whenever you are ready, and we will take the next step with you.
Frequently Asked Questions
- Do you have to pay for a child’s funeral in the UK?
In England, the Children’s Funeral Fund pays burial or cremation fees for children under 18 and for babies stillborn after 24 weeks, plus up to £300 towards a coffin, shroud or casket. Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland have their own schemes. Funeral director fees and other costs may still apply.
- Should a child go to a funeral?
Many bereavement charities advise that children are given the choice, with honest preparation and a trusted adult to support them. A child should never be forced to attend, and they can leave at any time.
- What should I say to a child before a funeral?
Explain in simple, truthful words who will be there, what they will see and hear, and what will happen to the body. Use the word died rather than phrases like gone to sleep, which can frighten young children.
- Can a child take part in a funeral?
Yes. Children can choose a song, draw a picture, place a flower or a toy on the coffin, or read a short message, if they want to and feel safe doing so.
- Where can bereaved children get support in the UK?
Winston’s Wish (08088 020 021), Child Bereavement UK (0800 02 888 40) and Hope Again from Cruse (0808 808 1677) all offer support for bereaved children, young people and families.
- Can parents take time off work after a child dies?
Employed parents who lose a child under 18, or have a stillbirth after 24 weeks, can take up to 2 weeks of parental bereavement leave, and may qualify for statutory pay. Check the GOV.UK page for the eligibility rules.
